For my whole life I felt that I am not Mexican enough. It seems like there is a checklist of characteristics you have to have in order to claim a Latinx identity, specifically in my case a Mexican identity. It is both people inside and outside the community who enforce this “checklist.” These characteristics include: speaking Spanish, having a brown skin tone, and having a recent immigration history from yourself and/or your parents into the United States. If any or all of these were seen as the true test to claim a Latinx identity, I would fail. I did not grow up speaking Spanish and my Mexican mom did not grow up speaking it as well. I have fair skin. Though my mom is Mexican and indigenous, she has fair skin as well. I am also not full Latinx, my dad is Italian and so I identify as a white Latinx person. My parents were both born in the United States and my Latinx family has been in the U.S for quite a while. Thus, when I say I am Mexican and Latinx I feel like I am an imposter. I never felt like I fully belong with Latinx communities.
However, I am aware of the privilege I have for being white and having fair skin. I also know I hold privilege for my last name being Italian. I know that no one is going to question my citizenship or that I have to worry about being told that I need to “go back to where I came from.” I do recognize that brown Mexicans, brown, and black Latinx people in general get discriminated against and face violence for their skin color. I will never understand what that is like and so I am not trying to do so in this series. I am not trying to minimize those who do go through these struggles. I also did not create this series to pity myself or to get sympathy.
I wanted to write this series about my experiences of not belonging in the Latinx community to connect with others who feel the same way. This issue is bigger than myself. I know people who identify as fully Latinx and who check all, if not most of the boxes who still feel like they are not enough for the community. I want to examine these expectations and explain that by reinforcing them we are just excluding people. I want Latinx people and non-Latinx people to be aware of how they might be upholding these stereotypes. I think instead of policing and alienating others in our communities because our experiences are different, we should be listening and including others. I want all of us Latinx people to know that we belong, whether we are white, Asian, indigenous, Black or all of the above. Overall, in this series, I will highlight my experiences and analyze the high expectations and stereotypes of all Latinx people to look and sound a certain way. I hope to help disrupt the false narrative that there is not one way to be Latinx. Let’s throw that checklist in the trash!