Category: Personal Essays

Note: This is part two of my article I wrote back in February 2022 titled "My relationship was good enough." Even though what I wrote in that article about my relationship is now invalid, I still want to keep the article up because I think the message is relevant and powerful.

In the words of Sophia Petrillo from Golden Girls:

Picture it! Los Angeles, California. A young 27-year-old was in a better place almost a year after a breakup. But then she finds out that her ex cheated on her during the relationship and everything she thought about him and the relationship was a lie.

A week after my brother got in a bad motorcycle accident and while I was recovering from a cold due to the stress of the accident, I got a message from my ex’s girlfriend on Instagram starting off with “I know you don’t know me….” She was trying to find out the truth about my relationship. She told me that a month prior to messaging me, she found out through Airbnb that my ex lied about when he and I broke up. He initially told her it was in 2020. When she confronted him he lied again saying we broke up in September 2021. He then told her that he cheated on me with her. She said she messaged me because she had this gut instinct that something was still off. To make matters worse, I saw the message in the early morning before I had to go to work. I went to my mom’s room handed her my phone and told her to read the message because I couldn’t fathom what I just read. I then asked her in disbelief, “How am I supposed to go to work right now?” While getting ready to go to work, then in the Uber on the way to work, and then in the bathroom at work, this girl and I were sending each other screenshots that revealed what a piece of trash this man really was. Honestly, I don’t know how I kept it together at work.

Read More

Note: I was unsure about discussing more about my previous relationship and the break up but I received a message from someone who wanted me to talk more about the red flags I faced and ignored. I figured I would write a post about this in order to maybe help anyone out there realize their worth and notice some red flags they may have overlooked. To that person out there who inspired me to write this, I hope this helps you. I also want everyone to know that I am not trying to bash or put everything that went wrong on my ex. I know that I am not perfect. I don't think he is a bad person but rather someone who is a lot more broken than they realize.

It is strange to look back on a relationship that has ended, especially one that you did not end yourself. The person that was broken up with is left to process, grieve, and heal all at once while the person who initiated the break up has already figured out what went wrong. For the first few days after the breakup, I found myself replaying the last conversation we had over and over in my head in an attempt to make sense of it all. During the actual break up call, I even had to repeat back everything he was telling me to make sure I retained all that he said. As I mentioned in my reflection, I knew for a few months before the break up that things in the relationship were not great, I even told my mom that I bet by the end of the year we will break up. Even though I was right, I did not see it coming at that moment because I was reassured beforehand that everything between us was fine. Therefore, I was in complete shock that we actually broke up. Though I felt relief almost immediately after the relationship ended knowing the relationship wasn’t meant to be, it took me almost two months after the break up to finally see the truth of what the relationship was and who he was. What I thought was a great relationship with a couple of issues was really what my therapist called, a “good enough relationship.”

Read More